A Modest Proposal on U. S. Proof of Citizenship

     After the national humiliation that was (and perhaps still is) the Obama vs. "birthers" circus, it seems only just that the national government and the collective states do the right thing by establishing an appropriate test for national office-holders. This test would make obsolete the need to find ancient birth certificates yet still meet the standards of those who wish that only true Americans be eligible for national office. After all, what the "birthers" apparently want is a way to deny office to persons who do not understand the constitutional, revolutionary, and christian principles upon which the nation was founded.

     In the spirit of the "birthers" movement, therefore, I offer the following, simple multiple choice exam that must be passed by any candidate before they can assume the national office to which they are elected.  Failure to answer all of the questions correctly will result in their ineligibility to occupy national office.

1. In what part of the U. S. Constitution does the phrase "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" appear?

          a. The Preamble

          b. Article I

          c. Article III

          d. The First Amendment

          e. The Fourteenth Amendment

          f. None of the above

          g. All of the above

2. Who penned the final draft of the U. S. Constitution?

          a. George Washington

          b. James Madison

          c. Thomas Jefferson

          d. Gouverneur Morris

          e. Thomas Paine

          f. None of the above

          g. All of the above

3. The opening paragraph of the U. S. Constitution contains which of the following phrases?

          a. ". . . to provide for the general welfare . . ."

          b. ". . . when in the course of human events . . ."

          c. ". . . the equal protection of the laws . . ."

          d. "Congress shall make no law prohibiting the freedom of religion"

          e. "These are the times that try men's souls . . . ."

          f. None of the above

          g. All of the above

4. The Declaration of Independence:

          a. has no status as a constitutional or legal document

          b. was written by a man who was unwilling to admit that he was, in fact, an atheist

          c. was a propaganda document intended to influence European powers

          d. was signed in large handwriting by a Massachusetts politician trying to impress his constituents

          e. was criticized and even ridiculed by some American politicians after the revolution was over

          f. None of the above

          g. All of the above

5. The "Founding Fathers"

          a. were more intelligent than subsequent American politicians

          b. were driven to their success through their broad adherance to The Bible and Christian principles

          c. set aside social, cultural, or economic differences in writing the U. S. Constitution

          d. avidly sought to establish the democratic principle of legal equality for those born in the U.S.

          e. believed that God had guided their hand in writing the Constitution

          f. None of the above

          g. All of the above

6. A majority of the "Founding Fathers" were

          a. religious zealots

          b. Baptists

          c. Anglicans

          d. Catholics

          e. evangelical Christians

          f. None of the above

          g. All of the above

7. Who among the "Founding Fathers" was most religious?

          a. George Washington

          b. Thomas Jefferson

          c. John Adams

          d. Thomas Paine

          e. James Madison

          f. Alexander Hamilton

          g. William Pitt

8. What is the source of the claim that:  "God helps those who help themselves"?

          a. The Declaration of Independence

          b. Benjamin Franklin

          c. Thomas Paine

          d. George Washington

          e. The Bible

          f. None of the above

          g. All of the above

9. When were the words "under God" placed in the U. S. Pledge of Allegiance

          a. 1776

          b. 1789

          c. 1865

          d. 1914

          e. the 1930s

          f. the 1950s

          g. the 1990s

10. When the U. S. government began in 1789, to whom did the phrase "We the People" refer:

          a. everyone

          b. white men, women, and children

          c. less than 25% of the entire population of the collective states

          d. more than 25% of the entire population but less than 50% of the population

          e. those born in the U. S., and immigrants who met congressional residency requirements

          f. None of the above

          g. All of the above

[The answers are: 1f; 2d; 3a; 4g; 5f; 6f; 7c; 8b; 9f; 10c] How did you do? By their own admission, John Boehner and Michelle Bachmann failed!!