Monday, April 13, 2009

The Loss of a Close Friend -- from a Great Distance

     Two days ago a very close friend of mine, Carl Granzow, died suddenly of cancer. A year ago he had been treated for bone marrow cancer, and went into remission. I had a good year with him after those treatments, probably better than many we had had in the recent past. He helped me with some design and engineering issues regarding home renovations; I spent time with him in his shop, joked about utterly unimportant things with him, and went "shopping" for trucks (one of his favorite wasting-time pastimes). Our families had some very good times together. It had been much like the early years of our friendship, over twenty-five years ago.
     It was a friendship for which I can express no regrets. Many years ago I told him that I considered him a brother (despite the fact that I have a brother I see too infrequently and who I love). A few years later, quite independent of my declaration, he said the same thing to me (despite the fact that he had a brother he saw too infrequently who he also loved). Over the years, my wife and I became close friends of their family, so close that his wife and their children are like extended family to us. Although my friend and his family had their own large, extended family -- a family about as close as any family ever could be -- they even tried to bring us into their tent. Well, quite literally, since every year they all went camping together in August, and they always tried to get us to go along.
     I think we all made it clear how we felt about each other, and that is the important message of this blog. My generation, at least, is usually too circumspect about telling others exactly how we feel about them. We either think the words are too lavish and inappropriate -- telling a robust, very masculine man that you love him like a brother -- or we worry that the sentiment will not be reciprocated. Both are a foolish caution; we are all fragile human beings who need to tell others how we feel about them; to do less is parsimonious and irresponsible. Years ago, when she was in her later years, my mother-in-law told me that, in the end, all we can do is love one another. I was so pleased to hear her say this (since we did not share religious beliefs), that I did not say: "well, of course, that's all we human beings have."
     In my last blog, I criticized one aspect of the internet -- "Facebook." I don't take back anything I said about "Facebook." But, because we are in Mexico and my friend died in Canada, I will say that the internet has been a benefit beyond description for us. We got a chance to talk to our friend via "Vonage Talk" telephone service, and the reception was clear and good. We have been kept up-to-date by many other very important friends via phone and email. We have remained in touch with a wide community. And, for all of that, we are thankful for modern technology. We are also thankful for having had such a good, generous and loving friend.

7 comments:

Erin said...

lovely words Jim - Carl would have been pleased

Char said...

Such a powerful blog Jim. Thanks for sharing.

Anne Dymond said...

Thanks, Jim. That is lovely.

Anonymous said...

Jim, you said it better than I could have. I learned about Carl's death today from Jeff Spalding. I will miss his laugh. His friendship. When I read your blog I came close to weeping. For him. For our shared past. I was in Philadelphia three weeks ago, and thought of you and Benjamin Bache. I have a mind to go to Carl's funeral in Coaldale if I can arrange it. Might you be there?

Ian

Newbouldi@richmond.ac.uk

Anonymous said...

Thanks Jim. I didn't know Mr. Granzow personally, but I do know his son Johnny, whom I have been out of touch with since I moved away from Canada to Hong Kong six years ago. My condolences to the family. When I revisit Lethbridge, I always like to see the old Elm trees in the park downtown which Carl ringed with stainless steel.

Scott Sauer.

Anonymous said...

I only knew Carl for few short months, but he made a huge impact on my life. I was a student of his and I always picked on him as he picked on me. He inspired my art and life. I will always look up to him.

Anonymous said...

I was a student of Carl for two and a half years. He changed the way I thought about myself as an artist and opened my eyes to so many other artists...He helped me find a way to say what i needed to say visually. he also helped me fit into a system of education that wasnt my cup of tea with a compassion and kindness that i have never experienced before...anything seemed possible. he took it upon himself to sign me into his group because he felt i still had something he could help with....for that i can only thank him with a gentile push and a smile you knew nothing else needed to be said. at that time i was in the middle of the loss of my own father he helped. i left alberta to finish my education in ontario, and loss touch with all that is lethbridge...i was blessed to have known him as a friend and teacher...to use loss would be an understatment...sadly this news arrived to me in the university news letter...i dont think it is possible to think of lethbridge without thoughts of carl...sadly it seems it is too late for many things...so if its ok tribute will be here